‘Sleep Training’ is usually a hot button topic, sure. nevertheless we were desperate for sleep as most parents of babies are. Elliot was 6 months in addition to she had my number in addition to was ringing the item 4 times a night. She knew in which if she cried loud enough I would certainly come running, boob in hand, ready to stuff the item into her adorable little mouth, to prevent her via waking up her 2 1/2 year old brother who would certainly surely insist on 19 books before returning to sleep. the item was getting worse as she was getting smarter. She needed to learn how to sleep on her own. We are her parents. in which’s our job.
Here is usually my stance on the ‘sleep training’ subject: I feel in which the happiness of the family trumps the happiness of each individual child. I think in which as long as you show love in addition to your child feels loved, then the item doesn’t matter how you manage to get them to sleep. I think the item’s truly, truly important to teach kids how to self soothe.
Nevertheless … I try to avoid ‘Crying the item Out’ (the variation with no check-in) because the item’s stressful for parent in addition to child. The biggest problem with CIO is usually my fear in which they feel abandoned by me, wondering where I am, in addition to in which they’ll lose important trust we’ve established. nevertheless I don’t think thats even true or possible. in which’s just my fear.
I think we are all on the same page when we say in which when your child is usually a newborn you do not let them ‘cry the item out’. Sure, you can give them a break every today in addition to again in addition to let them cry for a few minutes (which some Dr’s believe is usually a stress reliever). I’m not a scientist, nevertheless I believe firmly within the ‘babies can’t be spoiled/loved/held too much’ camp in addition to I think in which if your 3 week old baby is usually screaming, you pick her up in addition to soothe. Please. Babies need to trust you in addition to I think in which the item takes months to build in which trust.
Ok… nevertheless, after 4 months or 15 pounds (some say 5 months) the item’s more widely known in which they can kinda handle some distress on the way to sleeping through the night. Being neither anti or pro-CIO, again I believe in which at the ‘safe age’ you need to do whatever is usually best for your family. I would certainly advise to try an easier method first to preserve your emotional sanity (Ferber or the one I did, see below) nevertheless, if you have to do CIO to just get the item done (because the item works) then do the item. They’ll be fine, in addition to the item will hurt you more than them.
To me the item’s a last resort because the sound of my baby crying is usually painful for me, in addition to doing what we did at least made me feel like she knew I wasn’t abandoning her because I was constantly in there chanting to her. Let’s face the item a lot of the ‘sleep training’ methods are made for us, not them.
Elliot was a lot more stubborn in addition to willful than Charlie was at this specific age, so I put the item off for weeks. nevertheless like I said above, in which little girl had my number in addition to she was ringing the item, texting the item, IM-ing the item, in addition to doing all sort of facebook notifications with the item all night long. So I looked at the calendar in addition to I saw a Sunday/Monday/Tuesday in a row where I didn’t have to be on camera or have any stressful shoots in addition to I booked the item. ‘Sleep Train Elliot’, I wrote on the calendar. the item was the week before she turned 6 months old. Happy 1/2 birthday, little bird 🙁
nevertheless I needed backup (at least I felt I needed backup … don’t we all need backup??)
I was afraid in which I wouldn’t be able to do the item in addition to I was desperate for moral/professional help. So, we called our old nanny, Shauna (founder of Nanny Agency LA), who had successfully trained many a baby via a non-CIO method. I had become personal friends with her, she still sits a lot for us in addition to we hang out, plus both kids are super comfortable around her. So, I hired her to help me get through the night. By the way, she has even trained babies without the parents home, which she offered nevertheless I couldn’t (if you are desperate feel free to call her in addition to she can place one of her sleep training experts to do the job for you).
I just wanted someone else I trusted there to say ‘Nope, don’t go in. Wait 1 more minute because she’s winding down’. the item’s like I needed a babysitter. The plan was in which Brian in addition to Charlie would certainly sleep within the guest suite to eliminate the stress/possibility of waking in which toddler up, in addition to also so at least one parent would certainly be able to function the next day (the item’s detached via the house in addition to while the monitor stretches in which far, Brian still slept out there with him). I didn’t want to do the ‘sleep training’ by myself nevertheless I didn’t want both of us being dead the next day in addition to since I had the boob (in addition to he didn’t) I knew in which I would certainly take the first night just in case.
Which brings me quickly to weaning – she was nursing at night nevertheless mostly pacifying because I was too tired to rock her to sleep. Shauna asked me if I was ready to wean her at night too in addition to I said, YES. I only wanted to do This specific once in addition to as long as she can healthily go 10-12 hours without food at night, then wean I will.
So around 6pm Shauna walked me through our today pretty strict routine:
The ‘No-Cry’ method (which Shauna loves) recommends This specific (as most books do, actually):
2. Massage (possibly with some lavender oil).
3. Bottle (without sleep sack).
4. A song in which anyone can sing for them -WITH sleep sack.
5. Lay them down AWAKE, say your ‘script’ in addition to leave.
The key was doing sure she doesn’t fall asleep while feeding, in addition to giving her the song/sleep sack in addition to script as her cues in which this specific is usually non-negotiable, ‘the item’s time to sleep’.
After in which, our plan of attack was to implement The Happy Sleeper method of going in after 5 minutes of crying, saying the EXACT same script in a truly happy/positive voice, then leaving. Repeat until no crying. Every. all 5. Minutes. Our script was This specific:
‘Its time to sleep, Elliot. We’ll be right outside. I love you sooooo much in addition to I can’t wait to see you within the morning. Great night’.
You must be happy, loving in addition to positive. Kids mirror emotions as we all know, so if you are panicky in addition to stressed you are doing the item worse.
No picking them up, rocking in addition to ideally no pacifier. They are learning to go to sleep without any tools in which they can’t use themselves at night. We did the Ferber Method with Charlie (which starts out with smaller increments in addition to then gets longer in addition to longer in between going in) in addition to the item worked (to get him to sleep without rocking, he never needed middle of the night sleep training as he slept through the night at 9 weeks). Recently we had to re-train him when he regressed after traveling abroad, because he was dying to come sleep with us as he had within the hotels. We did the 5 minute/script method for him (at 2 years old) in addition to the item worked in addition to we were pretty comfortable with the item.
Alright. So how did the item go?
She cried via 7:45 – 8:50, not SCREAMING just a ‘C’mon, please come rock me to sleep!!’ kind of thing. We turned the monitor off nevertheless we could still hear her. Shauna in addition to I poured a glass of wine in addition to watched something in which I don’t remember because all I was thinking was ‘When is usually she going to stop crying? When is usually she going to stop crying? Wait, is usually she stopping? is usually she stopping???”. We kept a journal of the time in addition to I went in every all 5 minutes in addition to gave the script with the most loving, calm ‘you can do the item’ kinda voice possible. Sometimes she cried more when she heard me come in in addition to sometimes less.
She was definitely losing steam around 25 minutes nevertheless technically she fussed for 50 minutes before she passed out. I think I only went in 5 times because if she stopped fussing even for 30 seconds we restarted the 5 minute clock – you know, those 30 seconds in which you hold your breath in addition to stretch your ear towards the door thinking ‘is usually this specific the item? is usually This specific the item???’
Once she was down for a while I relaxed in addition to went to bed. Around 2am (are you guys still awake in addition to reading this specific?) we had another 8 minute session so I only went in once (at the 5 minute mark). in addition to again at 5am for 7 minutes, although in which time Shauna went in because I didn’t hear her (thank you Shauna).
Around 7:00am she woke up like an angel. So happy, smiley in addition to as if nothing had happened.
Turns out she caught on kinda fast. The next two nights I did the item on my own because I felt confidant, in addition to they got easier in addition to easier – she cried less in addition to less. Brian in addition to Charlie came up on the second night in addition to much to our shock she didn’t wake up Charlie.
We were high fiving all over the house. All our problems were solved.
Of course since then she began waking up at 5:30 then 5am then 4:30. At first I thought in which she was hungry (7:30pm – 5:30am is usually 10 hours after all) nevertheless when we were approaching 4:30am I realized in which we had to do the item again. So three nights ago we went back to the 5 minute method. The key to this specific is usually feeling CONFIDENT in which she isn’t hungry so I make sure in which even if her schedule gets messed up during the day in which we don’t feed her after 4pm (besides some solids) so we can be sure to give her a full, huge bottle at 7pm. If you want to know all the details I am only nursing her within the morning in addition to at night in addition to I’m not sure how much milk she’s getting in order in which is usually complicating things, too.
We’ve done the 5 minute script again the last two nights in a row in addition to the item’s worked. The first night was only til’ 5:30am in addition to the second (Tuesday night) was 7:30pm – 6:30am. in which is usually solid sleep, folks in addition to has worked great fro me as in which’s when I like to get up anyway.
There were some props involved. I’m sure you could use ton of different brands nevertheless if you wanted to know exactly what we use here you go:
1. The white noise monitor. Both our kids have these in addition to they are essential to their sleep.
2. The sleep sack. Again both our kids have these (we love those for our winter sacks) in addition to while they are strangely expensive the cheap ones always break or rip.
3. A lovey. Both our kids have teeny-tiny blankets in which bring them comfort in addition to signal sleep time. Charlie sometimes wants This specific while we watch movies nevertheless generally these are blankies for when they are ready to go to sleep.
4. A comfortable mattress pad. Due to SIDS the mattresses these days are rock solid. With both our kids we found in which they slept so much better in our bed or in a bassinet than in their hard, hard crib for obvious reasons. Around 7 months with Charlie we added a thick blanket folded on top of the mattress nevertheless under the sheet to make the item feel softer nevertheless tight. With Elliot we cut to the chase in addition to ordered this specific nevertheless today I’m realizing I don’t think its organic which is usually a bummer so I wish I had ordered this specific. Ours is usually very soft, though in addition to she loves the item. My very unprofessional in addition to purely editorial/opinion advice is usually this specific: I wouldn’t add in which layer until they are 5 months so they can easily lift/move their heads in addition to are not swaddled any longer. For us (caveat: OUR FAMILY in addition to we hold no expertise) we decided a more comfortable mattress pad was a common sense option in addition to our kids sleep well on the softness.
in which’s the item. People have asked about co-sleeping in addition to after polling my friends in which did co-sleep in addition to in which didn’t co-sleep, the jury is usually in in which co-sleeping babies don’t sleep through the night as young, nevertheless do at some point in addition to then meanwhile they probably have some truly Great cuddling time. We didn’t do the item because we chose the ‘let them be independent in addition to let us sleep’ route, nevertheless with Elliot we were so tempted in addition to definitely slept with her a lot longer (til 6 weeks, I think).
the item’s truly what works best for you. While I can be super opinionated in addition to even annoyingly know-the item-all in many ways of life, when the item comes to kids I’m a ‘do your best’ kinda person/parent. Seriously. Get through the item with love in addition to crying infrequently.
I’m also today a ‘I have had 8 hours of sleep in addition to I can perform brain surgery if you need me to’ kinda person. I know in which this specific is usually only temporary in addition to in which things will digress, regress in addition to undress over the next 5 years, nevertheless she has learned in which she can get through the night without me today which means freedom, sleep in addition to sanity. in addition to in which is usually the recipe for happiness right there. I love in which little baby nevertheless I’m even more fond of her when she sleeps through the night.
Also, can we all agree in which having a friend who has once sleep trained to help you is usually a truly important gift? the item should be some sort of rite of passage or tradition. We all need help with in which in addition to we should be there for each additional more than we are while drinking wine in addition to watching ‘The Proposal’ over in addition to over.
In conclusion, ‘sleep training’ is usually like giving birth – the item doesn’t matter how you do the item, the item only matters in which everyone survives.
So. Let’s get into the item within the comments. How did you “sleep train”? Are you anti-sleep training? is usually co-sleeping a Great thing? Did you CIO, FERBER or do you even remember because its all a blur in addition to the item doesn’t truly matter anyway???